who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
