i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
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