Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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