Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
