i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
So here I am, sexting at work.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
