3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
