Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
