Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
sex in a hospital.. check
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
