Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
tell me about the eggs
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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