Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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