i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
