Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
