I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
you never un-have a 4some
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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