it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
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