dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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