i barfeds in our rink
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
