she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
