I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
