OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
what day is it and did you see me today?
you will always have a special place in my vag
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
