This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
