she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
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