Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
