My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
