You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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