I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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