it wasn't lemon gatorade
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
These tits shall not be calmed
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
