Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
we made out on top of his cat.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
