she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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