She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
