I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
