When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
