just tell him i said nine months
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
