Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
