Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
my being single is dangerous.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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