Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Non-Jews are for practice
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
