I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
