no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
