I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
