I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
