You work out of a Hotel?
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
