I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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