She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
