At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
