I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
