Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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