So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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