i wish my penis had a tongue
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
