you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
