you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
