well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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